Embracing the grey blue sky
clouds swim through the alleyway..
like hollow twigs on a meadering stream.
as cotton lumps do so light that they fly
and enter the mind of the passerby
who treads the alley
for a breif moment of soltitude.
the clouds leave from the other side..
..and along take all that was weighing
on the soul, the body and mind,
of the good times then they remind
as swiftly smoothly enter the passerby
all the clouds that are behind.
A drizzle brings back the scent of the soil
which marked the first rainy day kiss
how nervous they were..how it was bliss..
the breeze reminds of lost love
and swings the rain like a curtain
twisting and twirling it on the stage of life
showing some hiding some
Hiting the passerby as they fly...
..the rain, the winds and the clouds through the sky.
Monday, June 26, 2006
Monday, May 29, 2006
Tuesday, May 09, 2006
Tuesday, May 02, 2006
Not a very long time back
Every morning the Honey waali Chai,
A loaf of bread and do kilo ka school bag.
Running in the rain at the honk of the bus,...
and standing in the corridor
...for forgetting the maths homework...daily
Then waking up to reset the alarm.
friends coming to honk at the door,
and zooming for the 10:30 class.
Finally giving up trying...
... to attend the first lecture and making it a habit...everyday
Then sleeping at four in the morning
and waking up next day..
..to walk to the place next door,
...not to Lata Aunty or bunty's house but office.
Checking emails and multitasking...
All that is routine..has just kept changing.
A loaf of bread and do kilo ka school bag.
Running in the rain at the honk of the bus,...
and standing in the corridor
...for forgetting the maths homework...daily
Then waking up to reset the alarm.
friends coming to honk at the door,
and zooming for the 10:30 class.
Finally giving up trying...
... to attend the first lecture and making it a habit...everyday
Then sleeping at four in the morning
and waking up next day..
..to walk to the place next door,
...not to Lata Aunty or bunty's house but office.
Checking emails and multitasking...
All that is routine..has just kept changing.
All in one....
I am one...
Well on second thoughts am I?
The idea of integrity is highly relative. Integrity in thoughts, actions and beliefs…coherence in existence. With due respect to the principle and at the risk of offending those who lay it down, I would confess that I have not practiced Unity in my life. I am one once and the next moment I am another.
Actually is it not fairly true for all of us or do we have singular identities and concordant beliefs? There have been umpteen times when one of my beliefs argued with the other. There they are competing with each other for attention and prioritization. One of my identities takes over the other in a matter of time and prevails until another conflict arises.
Yes I am confused!!!!...and it is not by birth. With full faith on my memories I recollect myself to be a kid with principles and priorities. I think I knew better as to what I wanted “I only wanted the long hair Barbie…” that’s it. Declared demanded and achieved. “I only want to attend Sun Bean…or I won’t go to prep school…”.period. “Shazia is my best friend..I will do anything for her”…fight with others for her, have lunch together and gift a teddy for her birthday. Nothing less nothing more. “I will paint and not study”. What ever the moms and dads of the world do. First I had conviction and then I grew up. “Maths or biology…” after one week of contemplation it was “Maths or Biology or arts?”…another week of deep deliberation of all the pros and cons it was “Maths because it is what all intelligent girls take and then become engineers”. “Fine..drop the year for IIT?”…”No..Join college and study?”….well this time I was so confused that I ended up doing both. This uncertainty and disorder just increases with my age.
In my final year it was “WHAT! MBA sucks man. I will be a scientist” (The MBA sucked then because every non entity was going for it and I considered myself to be different).Illusion is bad for the career. Now here I am, striving to get into a B school 2 years and 584 TCS days later.
It is rare when I sound and think unified. When I know this is it at the first thought. I reason for infinite times trying to figure out the right and wrong. Find my self confused for days before I come to a half hearted conclusion more owing to restrain that to choice. And often also more owing to exclusion than to predilection. And the choices keep increasing with experience and awareness. I find my identities multiplying and new identities emerging. I affiliate myself to different cults and make my life more complicated.
OK…example is right now I am thinking whether I should post this or not?.
Post it because divinity gave you the freedom of expression. Why hesitate to use it?
And then No wait…you think you l actually torture someone by this piece of rambling?
…..Awrriitte..I have written it so I shall post.
Well on second thoughts am I?
The idea of integrity is highly relative. Integrity in thoughts, actions and beliefs…coherence in existence. With due respect to the principle and at the risk of offending those who lay it down, I would confess that I have not practiced Unity in my life. I am one once and the next moment I am another.
Actually is it not fairly true for all of us or do we have singular identities and concordant beliefs? There have been umpteen times when one of my beliefs argued with the other. There they are competing with each other for attention and prioritization. One of my identities takes over the other in a matter of time and prevails until another conflict arises.
Yes I am confused!!!!...and it is not by birth. With full faith on my memories I recollect myself to be a kid with principles and priorities. I think I knew better as to what I wanted “I only wanted the long hair Barbie…” that’s it. Declared demanded and achieved. “I only want to attend Sun Bean…or I won’t go to prep school…”.period. “Shazia is my best friend..I will do anything for her”…fight with others for her, have lunch together and gift a teddy for her birthday. Nothing less nothing more. “I will paint and not study”. What ever the moms and dads of the world do. First I had conviction and then I grew up. “Maths or biology…” after one week of contemplation it was “Maths or Biology or arts?”…another week of deep deliberation of all the pros and cons it was “Maths because it is what all intelligent girls take and then become engineers”. “Fine..drop the year for IIT?”…”No..Join college and study?”….well this time I was so confused that I ended up doing both. This uncertainty and disorder just increases with my age.
In my final year it was “WHAT! MBA sucks man. I will be a scientist” (The MBA sucked then because every non entity was going for it and I considered myself to be different).Illusion is bad for the career. Now here I am, striving to get into a B school 2 years and 584 TCS days later.
It is rare when I sound and think unified. When I know this is it at the first thought. I reason for infinite times trying to figure out the right and wrong. Find my self confused for days before I come to a half hearted conclusion more owing to restrain that to choice. And often also more owing to exclusion than to predilection. And the choices keep increasing with experience and awareness. I find my identities multiplying and new identities emerging. I affiliate myself to different cults and make my life more complicated.
OK…example is right now I am thinking whether I should post this or not?.
Post it because divinity gave you the freedom of expression. Why hesitate to use it?
And then No wait…you think you l actually torture someone by this piece of rambling?
…..Awrriitte..I have written it so I shall post.
Tuesday, April 25, 2006
Timely Introspection
“If thou ever hath a watch… Bear it so its hand runs ahead of thy wagon’s standard time …..” - Shakespeare…
Well...Ya…O.K. he said nothing of the sort…
This is my very own desperate attempt at quoting an experience and I don’t doubt the bleak prospects of it being committed to a single clever or dimwitted memory. But well, does that stop me from using my freedom of expression…not really u have guessed. So here I go..
So I find myself reaching at 3:45 for a 3:45 train …even when the night before I told myself “venture into the world way before time”. I feel pretty much like an overloaded farm cart trying to run at the speed of a Ferrari to catch up with a railway Wagon which I imagined is already set out on its journey. The illusion of movement of the Wagon would have had something do with my fatigued senses which had tried to fight their way to victory combating every finicky rickshaw Walla, every ambitious ticket collector and every demanding station with scores of stair cases and bridges to cross.
So Did I catch the train? .yes...
Did I know I had got into the right train? Doubted… I prayed I would be lucky
Did I get into the correct compartment? No
Well such and many more instances keep repeating endlessly. Refusing to let go. Making me realize how undisciplined I am with my time. From reaching places on time to taking up studies on time and sometimes matters like wishing people on time, or maybe tomorrow marrying on time. Well, my soul hardly listens to all the conventional wisdom about the import of the four letter word.
So finally I came up with a good enough solution to counter! Well no this won’t help me to get married on time. But yes...Lesser ambitions like catching a train or reaching my office and sundry would be taken care of. About matters more grave I will think later (procrastinate again)
Vaguebynature : …My primary concern after I reach a destination finally is why I did not set out on time and save myself the immense nuisance that my psyches and physiology had to go through….office , Classes, station..party..never ever did I reach a respectable destination right by the watch….you think I will Set my watch to run 10 min early and that would help???....
Inner Voice: Try it…
…..Ran my watch 10 min fast. So I always knew still have 10 min to spare. “You are too smart…relax there is still time…” “God Never made a more intelligent head”…And there I was 10 min late to officeK. So I realized, setting the watch to run faster and knowing about and then expecting to profit …. Demands regulation. Like I ate one pie less for lunch to beat the calories…but I hog on to an extra pizza fro snacks because I know I have gained one calorie less over lunch ….like umpteen such attempts at exercising regulation and restraint which normally end up in vain.
Well yes. Being a loyal member of the ancient Order of two headed turtles, I accept my fate with time…I do hope someday I will reach the station 5 min early... (Don’t ask for much ...do I?)
Well...Ya…O.K. he said nothing of the sort…
This is my very own desperate attempt at quoting an experience and I don’t doubt the bleak prospects of it being committed to a single clever or dimwitted memory. But well, does that stop me from using my freedom of expression…not really u have guessed. So here I go..
So I find myself reaching at 3:45 for a 3:45 train …even when the night before I told myself “venture into the world way before time”. I feel pretty much like an overloaded farm cart trying to run at the speed of a Ferrari to catch up with a railway Wagon which I imagined is already set out on its journey. The illusion of movement of the Wagon would have had something do with my fatigued senses which had tried to fight their way to victory combating every finicky rickshaw Walla, every ambitious ticket collector and every demanding station with scores of stair cases and bridges to cross.
So Did I catch the train? .yes...
Did I know I had got into the right train? Doubted… I prayed I would be lucky
Did I get into the correct compartment? No
Well such and many more instances keep repeating endlessly. Refusing to let go. Making me realize how undisciplined I am with my time. From reaching places on time to taking up studies on time and sometimes matters like wishing people on time, or maybe tomorrow marrying on time. Well, my soul hardly listens to all the conventional wisdom about the import of the four letter word.
So finally I came up with a good enough solution to counter! Well no this won’t help me to get married on time. But yes...Lesser ambitions like catching a train or reaching my office and sundry would be taken care of. About matters more grave I will think later (procrastinate again)
Vaguebynature : …My primary concern after I reach a destination finally is why I did not set out on time and save myself the immense nuisance that my psyches and physiology had to go through….office , Classes, station..party..never ever did I reach a respectable destination right by the watch….you think I will Set my watch to run 10 min early and that would help???....
Inner Voice: Try it…
…..Ran my watch 10 min fast. So I always knew still have 10 min to spare. “You are too smart…relax there is still time…” “God Never made a more intelligent head”…And there I was 10 min late to officeK. So I realized, setting the watch to run faster and knowing about and then expecting to profit …. Demands regulation. Like I ate one pie less for lunch to beat the calories…but I hog on to an extra pizza fro snacks because I know I have gained one calorie less over lunch ….like umpteen such attempts at exercising regulation and restraint which normally end up in vain.
Well yes. Being a loyal member of the ancient Order of two headed turtles, I accept my fate with time…I do hope someday I will reach the station 5 min early... (Don’t ask for much ...do I?)
Thursday, April 20, 2006
Becoming to each other
It just dropped where it fell…it had known no direction…
that …but was a chance that it fell on the blossom
The dew drop resting on a petal…
…dancing about by impish free will...
Oblivious of the iridescence…granted from its milieu…
Nature revealed it to the mesmerized onlooker...
Who allured by its exquisiteness wondered ….
…if it was the water bead or the setting?
That the sun shone in the shiny globule…
…the colors that artists use to render life on white…
The dew drop hath no way. Neither its backdrop…
To conquer the splendor that they do….if it were not for each other.
that …but was a chance that it fell on the blossom
The dew drop resting on a petal…
…dancing about by impish free will...
Oblivious of the iridescence…granted from its milieu…
Nature revealed it to the mesmerized onlooker...
Who allured by its exquisiteness wondered ….
…if it was the water bead or the setting?
That the sun shone in the shiny globule…
…the colors that artists use to render life on white…
The dew drop hath no way. Neither its backdrop…
To conquer the splendor that they do….if it were not for each other.
Wednesday, April 19, 2006
Hair Affair
Well..with no spot of embarassment I would confess that today morning when I got up I thought I would prefer to die before I step out with my bad hair..so I instead stepped into my closet and ransaked it for a bottle of fresh smelling shampoo to sluice my hair..and it had to go wrong..
All my dreams of stepping out a halo girl were shattered in one go..
..but determination I share thy name (though on all wrong occasions it seems)...well I did step out afteall ....not to the next door parlour for Shampoo Shopping..the choice of destination was all exquisite my dear..I went ot Lo'real hair clinic because I was felt like..and here goes..
...I enter greeted by a sea of smiling faces..they made me feel like I knew them from my last birth..that they are the only pure souls on earth who can think nothing but my good...I took pleasure at my newly gained importance..I felt I was raised to a stratum higher than the normal (well I was on the second floor but this feeling was about a rise in your soul...self)...
and then the lady in green took me to the blessed place..."zust aye cumplementiary chaeck mam..we wiss eiu take it for avar sake.....fleeeasee.." I must admit she was very sweet to me..at that time I thot she liked me or something..my feeling of elation just kept growing..."why not..sure"..
there was some man made machine (now thats obvious...) inside..a few charts and huge screen..and ultra hygene smell..reality started occuring to me when she told me of what a dreadful place on earth the human scalp was...she referred to mine...i sat there listening to her tales of the Sebaceous and the war she waged against the enemies of clean hair..she talked about the scales of dead skins that would shred off later and make me so shamefull of myself that I d want to die before I step out into the outside world ...(something similar to what I felt in the morning..I had come to the parlour to ward off that feeling)...
but then she said she can rescue me...like an angel fight against all odds to make my hair so lovely that they would dance with out music...No shampoo will work..it will be their own treatment..full form the beginning of it to the end....
and why all this for me..but because i l pay them 1700 INR 5 times every month for one year and buy 5 bottles of different creams and masks and apply them everyday one after the other for the rest 25 times in the month....by that time I had started feeling sick..I had no special powers of endurance...
it was 12 when I came back with a decent bottle of shampoo from the nearby grocer...picked it on my way back to the real world..where you dont bother to step out with bad hair and if you do..you wont after and hour in the sun and heat....
Well..I think I got a strange feeling this morning...afterall...peculiarity thy name is.....
All my dreams of stepping out a halo girl were shattered in one go..
..but determination I share thy name (though on all wrong occasions it seems)...well I did step out afteall ....not to the next door parlour for Shampoo Shopping..the choice of destination was all exquisite my dear..I went ot Lo'real hair clinic because I was felt like..and here goes..
...I enter greeted by a sea of smiling faces..they made me feel like I knew them from my last birth..that they are the only pure souls on earth who can think nothing but my good...I took pleasure at my newly gained importance..I felt I was raised to a stratum higher than the normal (well I was on the second floor but this feeling was about a rise in your soul...self)...
and then the lady in green took me to the blessed place..."zust aye cumplementiary chaeck mam..we wiss eiu take it for avar sake.....fleeeasee.." I must admit she was very sweet to me..at that time I thot she liked me or something..my feeling of elation just kept growing..."why not..sure"..
there was some man made machine (now thats obvious...) inside..a few charts and huge screen..and ultra hygene smell..reality started occuring to me when she told me of what a dreadful place on earth the human scalp was...she referred to mine...i sat there listening to her tales of the Sebaceous and the war she waged against the enemies of clean hair..she talked about the scales of dead skins that would shred off later and make me so shamefull of myself that I d want to die before I step out into the outside world ...(something similar to what I felt in the morning..I had come to the parlour to ward off that feeling)...
but then she said she can rescue me...like an angel fight against all odds to make my hair so lovely that they would dance with out music...No shampoo will work..it will be their own treatment..full form the beginning of it to the end....
and why all this for me..but because i l pay them 1700 INR 5 times every month for one year and buy 5 bottles of different creams and masks and apply them everyday one after the other for the rest 25 times in the month....by that time I had started feeling sick..I had no special powers of endurance...
it was 12 when I came back with a decent bottle of shampoo from the nearby grocer...picked it on my way back to the real world..where you dont bother to step out with bad hair and if you do..you wont after and hour in the sun and heat....
Well..I think I got a strange feeling this morning...afterall...peculiarity thy name is.....
Sunday, April 16, 2006
Visual Verbosity
...Now I realize..
...thats the way you hypnotize...
Well not a word for the wise because they have have better control over your senses...others do as well unless they fall for the eyezz...I am not writing about the latest Band of Boys song..Nayan Katari..its about the absolutely amazing subject - 'Nayan', 'chakshu' the loved subject "the eye"..how much eyes inspire artists and poets ..Lyricists and painters quite alike..so whats the chemistry of the eye that is so inspiring..well what is it..isnt it just another sense organ.
Aweinspiring..a tribal girl became the queen of Narwar because Raja Maan Singh drooled over her eyes to call her mrignayani.. "one with the eyes of the deer"...a story by Shri Vrindavan Sharma in his famous novel by the same name.."eyes of the deer"..The hero sings to a blind love interest.."Jeewan se bhari teri aakhein"..her eyes inspire him to love his existence..
What I do not remember is how many times I have seen the eye focused on the camera in movies, advertisements, posters..And you immediately tell the famous person by their vision enabler.. Well leave apart the reel world I remember some one writing a two liner on my eyes on a couple of occasions.
Talk with you eyes...to those who would say Hindi flicks have taken an obsession with the fish shaped structure for no good reason..I would beg to defer..Slightly..even though my eyes never really hypnotized neone around, I surely remember some instances when eyes scared me...there is certainly some expressions in the eye..how may times have you heard.."her eyes look sad..even though she is smiling" or a cliched "blood shot eyes of an angry fella".."Mischivious eyes"..."mysterious eyes"...or the more common "dreamy eyes"..well u do sometimes define mental condition by the look of the eyes!!.....and add to it "fresh look in your eyes..you look relaxed.."..."your eyes are red..man did you work a lot"...."the eyes look dull..slept enough??"...now i even read the physical state by what the eyes tell me...Mannnn..eyes must make the best weapon to read a person...
Well quiet in the eye of things the eye seems to be..and considering I am no expert in psychology I shall consider finding about the chemistry between the mind and the eye..
for now I d agree with the fact that eyes talk!!
Wednesday, April 12, 2006
Tuesday, April 04, 2006
Lost and whatever...
When I look beyond the Horizon..
...I notice the azure sky..
...the clouds are dark blue and white...
budding with purple royalty and might.
there is to view...
the challenging sun...
the color is feiry red..
there are hopes and achievements ahead...
and there is more...
...the fields in the country...
swept across by infinite drives stony and metalled..
...free to be explored , and travelled..
Saturday, April 01, 2006
Being Cyrus
Being Cyrus Mistry
saw "Being Cyrus" today......I was thankful the movie wasnt any longer than 1.5 hrs..would have spoilt the feel of it...
it is amazing how Adjania makes you like the movie at times and hate it at otherwise....u dont know wats coming next..is CYRUS a gud guy or bad...wat is he going to do?....whats the next twist...
acting is super duper..Dimple looks like scary most of the time and Simone looks the Angel....but well who turns out what...man nice movie
the dialouge that strikes is the one by Naseer "God is in the smallest things" :)...well said
saw "Being Cyrus" today......I was thankful the movie wasnt any longer than 1.5 hrs..would have spoilt the feel of it...
it is amazing how Adjania makes you like the movie at times and hate it at otherwise....u dont know wats coming next..is CYRUS a gud guy or bad...wat is he going to do?....whats the next twist...
acting is super duper..Dimple looks like scary most of the time and Simone looks the Angel....but well who turns out what...man nice movie
the dialouge that strikes is the one by Naseer "God is in the smallest things" :)...well said
Friday, March 31, 2006
There have been moments of desperation ...and thought..but on such occasions painting is way to unwind..
this one expresses the feeling of rigidity in a busy life....
when I see the irridecent sky...the contemporary life seems big enough to reach the Sun...
but then it is also a closed space from where natural light seems very far...but very desirable...
the way I feel..is the way I see
WILDERNESS
It is never too late
..is never too late to accept..
that you went wrong..
everyone makes mistakes..
..a part of life all along..
is never too late to accept..
...that you have been in love but it did not work
there were mystic days and nights..
..let them pass with a smirk.
is never too late to accept..
..a bitting critic for a friend..
..it is not the music to the ears.
..but "the you" who matters in the end.
is never too late to move on...change..
god gave you an invisible wing..
....fly and explore coz...
..it is never too late for anything.
that you went wrong..
everyone makes mistakes..
..a part of life all along..
is never too late to accept..
...that you have been in love but it did not work
there were mystic days and nights..
..let them pass with a smirk.
is never too late to accept..
..a bitting critic for a friend..
..it is not the music to the ears.
..but "the you" who matters in the end.
is never too late to move on...change..
god gave you an invisible wing..
....fly and explore coz...
..it is never too late for anything.
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